"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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