Already got asked if we're dating
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I bet he comes in French.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
