I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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