He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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