I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
