She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
