i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
