why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
