i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
