we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
