also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
