I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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