i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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