I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
