girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
