i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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