And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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