he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
try to milk me bitch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
