why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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