If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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