just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
