and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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