Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
