It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
