Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
