i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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