please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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