Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
