dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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