My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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