As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
