I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
