Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My ass is underappreciated
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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