she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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