apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
