No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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