so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize