My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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