when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
