we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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