Got a toothbrush?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
