I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
