I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i drank out of a bidet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
