I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
