I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
