he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
