Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want nice things and good sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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