Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Someone signed my nipple.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
