I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone signed my nipple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
