She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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