I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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