found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
