I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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