Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
