Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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