just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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