so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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