Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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