So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
