Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
