need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
