No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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