He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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