There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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