he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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