I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
