You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
should my penis look like a turkey
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
