It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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