The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
