Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
