Banned from zoo.
Again?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
