Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
