____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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