You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
