It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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